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  • Clara Mei

Focus on the healing, and not the "fixing"....

Updated: Feb 26



Today is Monday, and this sentence came to mind on Saturday so I haven't had too much time to mull it over. But something about it just really spoke to my soul.


I think this sentence just hit me so hard, because it finally dawned on me that in my own self development work, I might have missed something. In building my own capacities to deal with life challenges I've focused on learning various strategies to change behaviors and thought patterns that aren't helpful. And this has been a really rewarding journey- so much so that I love sharing it with others--hence: "life coach"! :)


However, and a big however, is that I realized I've come from the (unconscious) perspective that I need to change my behavior or thought pattern, because it needs "fixing". That there is something inherently wrong with the way I've been "doing" and thinking. And this is not to say that I have come from a place of judgement, self-hate, or self-doubt. On the contrary, I definitely have come to a place that self love- from a soul enriching, life enriching place- is so important in how I have been motivated to "do" and "be" in this life.


The thing is though, often what is underlying the discomfort of why someone is seeking change, or a new strategy, or new direction in life, is coming from something that needs healing first. Sometimes the healing is coming from a small trauma/incident/injury or a big trauma/incident/injury. Sometimes the healing needs to come from something long ago, when you were a child- or even from something that your parents, grandparents or other loved ones have inadvertently passed down to you, because they themselves didn't heal. Or sometimes the healing needs to come from something more recent- maybe even just an expectation you had about something or someone and became really disappointed about how it turned out or how someone treated you. And to be truthful, sometimes we are not even consciously aware that a healing needs to happen. We just sort of go through life, thinking, this is just the way it is. Or we may realize "something needs to change" and so we seek out a host of "self improvement" strategies. And oh boy, with New Year's around the corner--we all want to change, right?!


And so we get on our bandwagons and start diets-"eating healthier", or we start new workout regimes, or we join a new spiritual something or other. And studies show that everyone has the best of intentions for that first month or maybe even few months! But then it dwindles off. We lose motivation, we lose inspiration, we just lose the energy to keep going. And as I write this out, it's because as we're doing all this "outer" work, we're still carrying around something that needs healing. And so like the pull of an ocean wave- we get pulled out into the ocean trying to figure out how to get to a shore where we can feel more ourselves and have more energy and gust for life.


Unlike a child who gets a scrape on his/her knee and then the parent puts a bandaid on it, and tells the child to go back and play; past things in our life that need healing really need healing before we can just go play again. All of the advice, all the good intentions, just won't have a lasting impact if there is a wound that needs healing...


And so I ask, "what do you need to heal?" "What part of you do you need to heal?" I can help you figure out what you may need healing with so that you can stay motivated and inspired in your life goals and aspirations. And if I can't help you directly in your healing because of something big or really traumatic, I can help you find someone who can. Please e-mail me at wholefullyou@gmail.com Let's start this new year, this new decade with more clarity and energy because we have finally healed ourselves.

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